Have you ever sat alone in the dark, Trying to hear the beating of your heart.
Have you ever heard the silence, when it bounces of the walls in waves?
Have you ever been afraid?
Have you ever sat in your room alone and cried , wondering why your still alive?
Have you ever told someone you care, and they look at you with that blank stare?
Have you ever wanted more, but nothing is on the other side of the door?
-Lisamarie-
I probably could be sorry or maybe I could relent,
maybe I could forget all the years that I spent.
Wasting my time trying
to forget the past instead of looking onto something that could really
last.
I made a mistake I know I am wrong. I’m guilty you see, I don’t
blame you for hating me.
Words said harshly spoken, leads to trust
greatly broken. Some say they’re perfect , some say they’re true, If you
made a mistake I’d most certainly forgive you.
-Lisamarie-
Some of my blogs and posts are what is
like to live with mental illness.
Many people have a mental disease and it goes unspoken as
if it were talked about something would get broken.
I want the world to
see what goes on in the manic mind when cohesive thoughts are drowned
inside.
I am an individual who’s thought patterns take on different
shapes and sizes.
If there is anyone else out there like me, please feel
free to speak.
Often we feel as though we are all alone, but in truth
there are many who want to share their pain, but don’t know how out of
fear of SHAME.
Who’s to say what’s normal or not . Who’s to say what’s
wrong or right.
We all seem to be living in this world controlled by
conformity. All I want is just feel to be free to be ME.
If you close
your eyes and reach inside, you’ll find so much beauty within there
lies.
In my mind I visualize myself as a butterfly.
I can appreciate the
simple things , like the way the grass feels under my sweaty feet.
I love the taste of my favorite dessert that’s really sweet.
Night time is my favorite place because in the dark no one can see the
sadness in my face.
It’s morning and now I’ve awaken.
Every day is a new
creation. Ready to build a firm foundation with which I will strive to
make today better than yesterday , in hopes I can keep my pain and
sorrow away.
I hear a voice that says “Beyond the eyes of every human lies the soul,
this is what makes us whole”.
The pigmentation of our skin is a mere
illusion, which brings the world too much confusion.
With a tear in my
eye and the sunlight on my face we’ll assemble for unity and wait.
Wait
for the day where all can perceive racial and sexual equality.
When? How
long will it take and at what price will we all have to pay?
What do we
have to do to achieve that justice for all mankind?
Will our children’s
children have to feel the same pain? Nevertheless , I say unto you to
believe in yourselves and what you perceive to be true.
In all we do and
in all we say the voices that echo over the land will triumph over
yesterday.
Acts of violence and hate will be tolerated no more as we
move into a new chapter and open the door.
Babies are so pure and clean , their minds so simple and
at ease: but then they grow up to be young men and boys to carry out
their name .
Striving for perfection in this world of pain.
-Lisamarie-
I often wonder why life, people lacks the compassion .
They lack the ability to feel. I have come to the knowledge of knowing :
empathy is not automatically obtained when a person reaches the realm
of this world.
My heart is saddened and troubled to the point where I
cannot form cohesive thoughts of my own.
The poison that runs through my
blood has yet spread to my offspring.
They say the sins of the father
affects everyone that comes after him.
I live through a barrage of
disillusionment and my tears are as dry as hardened barren soil and brings forth no fruit of relief while my blood rushes upwards and boils
in a slow simmer , which deprives my heart of oxygen.
I seek peace, I
seek resolutions but it comes to no avail.
What price is there for the
innocent ? Who speaks for the tired and weary?
As I walk down a long
lonely path faceless silhouettes of people stand motionless and emotionless.
Time has stopped to a place where I wish could be
re-visited, where I once held hope .
There’s a time where you come to
realize that all your struggles , your cries for help will eventually be
heard only when your tears stop.
The silence is more effective than the
bellowing out of your torment.
I resign myself to a place of
peacefulness and acceptance knowing that inevitably the UN- relenting
storm is out of my control.
My foot stands firm and steadfast seeking
closure not by my works but by a force stronger than myself.
Clawing desperately to keep my grip on reality I surrender.
I can remember a time where I knew I wasn’t alone, sitting in
the quietness of my own thought although I was only but a mere child:
I
knew that I wasn’t alone. There was a sense of longing of wanting
something bigger than myself, my mind races
to an outer-worldly place where all things can be possible.
As I grew I could
still hear the whispering of rancid thoughts that flew over and by my
head: if the world was so big why did I feel so small?
What significance
did I have in a world that I considered myself invisible.
Day after day
my thoughts created a universe where I was accepted and loved.
My
thoughts became a creation of my own that had names and became people in
my invisible world. No one could penetrate them because they could not
see.
My characters became a strength all their own.
As I grew my
characters took care to stay in a hidden place to protect me from the
outside world in which they wanted me to conform to a “normal” reality.
In life you make decisions on being who you are.
In this time and place people lack emotion. Compassion is
very hard trait to find nowadays, peoples hearts have hardened as firm
as solid clay .
There’s a void an emptiness in their eyes , they look
right past me as if I am some translucent figure.
Having so many wounds
and scars on my body I do not mind that they cannot see me.
-Lisamarie-
I
lift my hands above and see the trees dancing like marionette dancers.
The fire crackles and bangs against the molten wood while playing their
drum beat.
I listen to the sound of the rain masquerading itself as tap
dancers as the drops tap lightly on the cement platform surface.
Waiting
for the season where the snow daintily does it’s ballerina performance
and lightly cascades over all the other tired performers.
The final
curtain falls down over the endless performance of nature.
The sun with
its huge ego peeks out trying to take all the glory.
The moon has the
last say, as we all prepare for another brand new day.
-Lisamarie-
My father’s face I’ve never known, I dreamt he was sailor
who sailed over the great blue seas and
that one day he would come back
to look for me.
He never found me, I don’t know if even cared .
Every
time there was knock on the door , I always thought he was there.
I wonder if he sees who I am today. I wonder if he’d know how to take my
pain away.
A single tear rolls down my cheek, a hug from him would be
so sweet. My father is a faceless man, with just a wrist watch on his
hand.
